How to forgive

  • versão em português no final do texto em inglês. imagem perdão

Another year is getting to an end, and a new one is about to begin. It is time to make our new year´s resolutions. Therefore, we need to open ourselves for new opportunities and possibilities and, literally, get rid of what does not fit our soul anymore.

In other words, there is no better time for forgiveness. In order to make new good possibilities to take place in our lives, we must clean our soul from harmful feelings, regardless of whether they are directed to ourselves or third parties.

In order to allow yourself to forgive, you shall, at first, know that you do not forgive someone in order to let them free, instead, you forgive in order to free yourself from harmful feelings that, ultimately, would make you sick. Nobody has the power to free anyone, do not delude yourself into thinking you can do that, for you can only free yourself.

If you realize that, it will be half way to allow yourself to forgive anyone who has hurt you. It is a gift to you!

Also, you do not forgive what has been said or done, but, instead, who has said or done something against you. That is: you forgive a person, not an attitude. It may seem obvious, but it makes a huge difference to acknowledge that, for you will realize that, by forgiving, you’ll not allow that person to hurt you again, you’ll only be saying that you do not keep bad feelings inside you.

This means that, by forgiving, you won’t, necessarily, trust the person again; you’ll solely replace harmful feelings by joyful and peaceful ones. If you deem that someone deserves a second trust chance, that is up to you, but that does not mean you will allow such person to hurt you again.

And, above all, allow yourself to forgive yourself from whatever guilt you may feel. Guilt is a useless feeling that prevents you from taking any action towards improvement. You may feel sorry for your mistakes and learn from them, but never dive your soul into guilt. Forgive yourself and show yourself some compassion, for that will make it possible to you to show the same compassion towards others. One who does not forgive himself will not forgive others and that is how intolerance is built.

I hope that with the tips above, those of you who face difficulties regarding forgiveness find a way to free your souls and begin 2018 with more peaceful and joyful feelings that will make your lives softer and more pleasant.

Happy New Year for you!

 

VERSÃO PORTUGUÊS

Mais um ano está chegando ao fim, enquanto outro se inicia. É nesse momento que fazemos nossas resoluções de ano novo e, para tanto, é necessário liberar nosso interior de sentimentos nocivos, a fim de que novas e boas oportunidades e sentimentos tomem seu lugar, tocando nossa vida para frente.

Portanto, esse é o momento propício para trabalharmos o perdão.

Primeiramente, devemos saber que o perdão não se destina a liberar nosso ofensor, mas a liberar nossa alma de rancores e amarguras que nos fazem tão mal, que podem até desencadear uma doença. Ninguém tem o poder de liberar os outros de qualquer culpa, podemos apenas libertar nossas almas de sentimentos tóxicos.

Outro ponto diz respeito ao objeto do perdão: perdoamos a pessoa e não suas palavras ou atos. Pode parecer banal, mas essa diferença é de extrema importância, pois indica que, ao perdoar, não estamos dando permissão ao outro de repetir seus erros, mas apenas liberando nosso coração de maus sentimentos. Igualmente, perdoar não significa, necessariamente, voltar a confiar (pode ou não ser assim, depende do que a sua intuição lhe diz). Ter essa noção facilita a que nos permitamos perdoar o outro.

Por fim, precisamos, antes de mais nada, perdoar a nós mesmos, livrando-nos da culpa, a qual é um sentimento inútil, que nos paralisa, impedindo que trabalhemos para sermos pessoas melhores. Arrependimento é uma coisa, culpa é outra. O arrependimento pode nos levar a um lugar de aprendizado e evitar que repitamos erros, já a culpa nos bloqueia e enche nossa alma de rancor contra nós mesmos. Devemos nos livrar dela. Tenhamos amor próprio e compaixão conosco, pois somente assim poderemos ter compaixão com os outros e alcançar o lugar do perdão e, consequentemente, sermos livres.

Nesse 2018, vamos perdoar e liberar espaço para sentimentos alegres e de paz, os quais nos permitirão ter uma vida leve e mais próspera e abundante.

Espero que este texto tenha ajudado aqueles que têm dificuldade em perdoar a si mesmo e os outros e que seja uma gota de paz em suas vidas.

Feliz Ano Novo a todos!

Why do we need to control everything?

How much of your life do you try to control? And what about your relashionships? Have you managed to deal with uncertainties of life or do you keep searching for a way to control everything?

Many aspects of our lives are, in fact, under our control. Nevertheless, several others are beyond our hands. Knowing how to differ them, that is, knowing to distinguish what is under our will and what is under life’s will is essential not only to inner peace, but also for us to remain ourselves.

relacionamentos  We live in a world ruled but the free will. But we must aknowledge that besides our free will, there are third parties’ free will. Therefore, our share of control refers exclusively to what we can actually chose and nothing besides that.

Everything that is not under our free will is not up to us to control, belongs to life’s destiny. In those cases, we can only decide how to deal with what life brings us, with what other people have chosen to say or do and that has affected us, but has not been decided by us and could have never been so.

And that is where confusion, dramas and all sort of bad feelings come from. We want to control others and we end up judging and condemning and, without realizing that, we remain prisioners of painful feelings  created by ourselves and that lead us to solitude, anger, fear, anxiety.

By doing that we steal ourselves from our free will, since we keep trying to control what is not under our jurisdiction. As a consequence, we do not use our free will and do not find healthy and pleasant ways of dealing with what life brings us, instead, we insist on trying to change others (i.e., we insist on doing the impossible).

Instead of wasting time thinking about how we can change or control what is beyond our hands – and we do that by complaining, criticising, judging, etc -, we should focus on how we can change our lenses and on the way we feel abut something, in order to switch something that is harming us into something that we can make use of.

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If we make such switch, we allow ourselves to be everything we were meant to be and we say goodbye to our fears and begin to try to be ourselves. If we do not do that, we remain away from our free will and end up doing less than those who we criticise, because they, at least, risked to chose something, even if such choice was a mistake. One who trys to protect himself so much does not live, but, instead, hides under the mask of fear and prevents himself from getting from life what it has to offer.

Such need of control comes from the denial of our vulnerability and from the illusion that we own some kind of truth. Aiming at protecting ourselves from all sorts of sorrow and harm we end up not risking to be all we can be and we live a life looking to others and not inside our soul.

We are vulnerable, everyone is! And by admiting that and, most importantly, accepting that, we can manage to feel part of a totality that is bigger than ourselves and we can experience the feeling of belonging. When we get there, we find that we are stronger than we thought and we discover inner forces that allow us to deal with whatever comes from life. We take power of ourselves and that is the only true control that exists.

Trying to control what is not under our jurisdiction of the soul is falling into the arms of pain, since we runaway from our responsibility of dealing with our insecurity and vulnerability and, as a consequence, we do not live our life.

passado   Life does not offer any guarantee of safety, health, profits or whatsoever. Living is a risk we must take, there is no safe place out there, only in here, inside our soul and mind. It is our inner strengh, our responsibility for our choices, that can assure us we can deal with everything life brings us.

We’d better accept our vulnerability towards life and risk to make choices, otherwise, we will prevent ourselves from living and will remain trying to control what cannot be handled. It is the finitude of life and the possibility of failure that makes our good moments and vitories so meaningful! It is what happens between life’s choices and our choices that fulfills our souls.

If we do not acknowledge that, we will remain under the ilusion we are gods and will be out of the wheel of life and its cicles (i.e., we would only exist).

So, it is better to take risks, to make choices and deal with what is beyond our choices and live, instead of merely exist, don’t you think?